I started writing at 3am and exposed something that’s been on my heart.
Being unapologetic can come off as heartless. You don’t give a fu** about someone else’s feelings. But I’m learning that in some situations it can be far from that. In a situation where you love someone who doesn’t love you and you remain platonic friends with them to “see what happens,” your heart ends up at a crossroad. So do you own up to your feelings and stop things from being one sided or do you just continue being friends because that’s the right thing to do and you don’t want to come off as some crass heartless human being?
Loving unapologetically means you picked a side and although it’s one of the hardest things you will ever do, you chose not to muffle your feelings just to please the other person. You will know if you are not being transparent. You will be fine one minute then when you lay in bed at night you cry about it because you weren’t real with yourself in the first place. Loving unapologetically means that you accepted that love doesn’t just wipe away with a sponge. Loving unapologetically means that you will not accept a connection that is simply one-sided. It also means that you will not half a** your emotions. It will not make you happy in the long run. What will make you happy is accepting that you gave someone your all but you are not the one that they choose. So you wish them the best and stop responding until you are completely past it. You pray for nothing but happiness and success in their lives whatever that is for them, but that picture you have in your head of wanting a future with them is not reality. You are fascinating. Fascinating people don’t settle they keep it moving. If you ever had a situation in your life where you ended up loving someone and they don’t love you, I want to tell you right now that it is OK to cut them off, not look back and don’t apologize if you tried everything else. Just live your life and love yourself first. You know what loving someone who doesn’t love you feels like? You have just been shot in the chest and now you have to stop the bleeding. You clean it and put bandages over it everyday waiting for it to heal. Every time you get a text message from this person, you start bleeding again and you have to start the healing process all over again. Your wound will get infected unless you choose to do something about it. You have to take time for yourself to heal and become strong again. So then choose. No one will hate you I promise. Block them temporarily. Grab your favorite food and a glass of wine. Cry a little bit more if you need to. Then start living your life like you are going to die tomorrow.
Book flights everywhere and go sightseeing.
Call your family.
Skydive if that’s what you really want to do.
Be so busy that you no longer have time to think about losing them anymore. Stop apologizing for loving someone and it not turning out the way you wanted it to. Once the gunshot wound heals, there is a whole new adventure out there waiting for you to experience. You don’t have to settle. You are doing this because in the back of your mind you know fascinating people deserve much better. You deserve to move on completely and do some big things in your life without idealizing over someone. If they wanted to be with you then that’s what they would be working towards. Accept that it is not their goal and it shouldn’t be yours either. I’m not saying that things can’t change. I am saying that you can’t wait around to see if things will change.
LET GO right now.
Someone out there in the world is hurting and needs to see this.
Thank you if you read this all the way to the end 🙂